The Empowerment Switch
Finding Strength in What You Can Change.
We all go through experiences that can leave us feeling powerless. In these situations, we might freeze up, unsure of how to proceed.
Maybe we’re nervous about a big decision or we’re worried about a recent argument with a friend. Perhaps we’re stressed about a big problem in our life and don’t see how and when the situation might improve. Perhaps we can’t stop thinking about how a work project might turn out, or whether we’ll finally get that promotion we’ve been working so hard for.
Well, today, I want to share a simple yet powerful exercise for these sorts of struggles.
To begin, open your journal to a new page and write a few words or sentences about the problem you’re currently facing.
Once you’ve done that, ask yourself “What are the things I can change?”
Take some time to consider this then jot down those ideas.
It’s important not to edit yourself. Simply brainstorm all the things you can actually influence. Examples of this include changing your perspective, using coping skills that you’ve learned, or behaviors and actions that you can take that can improve the situation (even if the improvement is temporary).
Then ask yourself, “What are the things I can’t change?”
Write those down.
Again, don’t edit yourself.
Write down everything that you can think of that’s out of your control. These include someone else’s actions, how someone else might think or feel, or the outcome of the situation if there isn’t anything you can do to alter what happens.
Now, review the side of the page that has all the things you can’t change.
Take a deep breath, and let those things go. Rip that side of the paper into pieces and throw them away as a symbolic goodbye to these ideas.
We often get stuck trying to think our way out of things over which we have no control. We spend time worrying about them, even obsessing over them, but they are not things we can do anything about. If we let them percolate in our minds, they take up valuable, precious space that we could be using for productive, helpful thoughts and actions. Mental energy and resources are finite, so we must be choosy about what we occupy our minds with.
Then, focus on the items under the things you can change, and put your attention on doing each of them, one at a time, to improve your situation.
Each time you do something from this column of things you can change, give yourself a little pat on the back and celebrate the fact that you’re moving forward rather than stagnating or being trapped in thoughts that simply go nowhere.
Soon, you’ll notice a shift in your thinking. You’ll feel lighter. You’ll feel your burdens slowly melting away, with each proactive behavior you take. You’ll also feel more confident in your ability to shift your thinking and solve your problems - and this will strengthen your resilience during challenging situations.
Give this exercise a try the next time you find yourself feeling powerless. I assure you that you’ll soon find the strength that you’ve always had within you - it was just waiting for you to tap into it.
Here’s to you,
Judy
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.