You know that voice in your head?
The one that says things like…
"You’re messing everything up."
"Why even try? You’re just going to fail again."
"You’re not smart/attractive/worthy enough."
Sound familiar?
That’s your inner critic. And while it may feel like a permanent part of your personality, here’s the good news: It’s not.
Using tools from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and the power of neuroplasticity, we can literally rewire the way we speak to ourselves—and train a more supportive, compassionate, and productive inner voice.
In this post, and in the latest episode of Mental Health Bites (listen right here in substack, on Apple, or Spotify), we’ll explore how you can become your own coach and transform negative self-talk with the help of neuroscience.
Let’s break it down.
How Self-Talk Shapes Your Brain (and Behavior)
Our internal dialogue—our self-talk—is more than just a byproduct of thought. It’s a driver of how we think, feel, and behave.
Over time, self-talk becomes deeply embedded in the brain through a process called neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself based on what we focus on and repeat.
When you repeatedly think a thought—even something as simple as "I always mess things up"—you’re firing a specific group of neurons together. Over time, those connections become faster, more automatic, and harder to interrupt. It’s like a shortcut your brain builds because it thinks it’s being helpful.
This means repetitive negative self-talk actually strengthens neural circuits associated with shame, anxiety, and low self-worth. It also weakens pathways tied to emotional regulation and optimism.
To help you visualize it: imagine your brain as a field of tall grass. Every thought is like a footstep. The more often you walk the same path—say, "I’m not good enough"—the more worn that path becomes. Eventually, it’s the easiest one to take. But thankfully, these paths aren’t permanent.
How You Can Change Your Brain
Thanks to neuroplasticity, it’s possible to build a new trail—one that reinforces self-compassion, constructive thinking, and resilience. It just takes intentional repetition and time.
CBT teaches us that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all interconnected. When your automatic thoughts are critical or catastrophic, your emotional state follows—leading to:
Anxiety
Depression
Procrastination
Avoidance
Perfectionism
Impostor syndrome
But when you identify and challenge those thoughts—and replace them with more balanced alternatives—you start changing how you feel and behave. And you’re doing this at the neurological level.
Functional MRI studies show that harsh self-criticism activates the same regions in the brain as physical pain—particularly the anterior cingulate cortex and insula. In other words: it literally hurts to be cruel to ourselves.
On the flip side, self-compassion activates brain areas like the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, which is involved in safety, trust, and decision-making. It lowers cortisol, reduces inflammation, and improves emotional recovery after failure.
Being kind to yourself isn’t fluffy or indulgent—it’s neuroprotective.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It’s about giving yourself a healthy platform from which to grow. So if you’ve been thinking this is just the way my brain is wired—know this: it’s wired by experience. And experience can be reshaped.
Reframing Negative Self-Talk: The ‘Name It, Frame It, Rewire It’ Strategy
Here’s one of my go-to, neuroscience-backed tools for retraining negative self-talk:
Step 1: Name It
Call out the inner critic as soon as it shows up. This builds what’s called metacognitive awareness—thinking about your thinking.
Examples include:
"That’s my perfectionist voice again."
"That’s the anxious part of me trying to predict rejection."
"Ah, there’s that fear of failure script."
Naming activates the prefrontal cortex, which helps you move out of emotional reactivity and into observation mode.
Step 2: Frame It
Ask yourself: What’s underneath this thought?
Often, negative self-talk is a misguided attempt to prevent failure or embarrassment. So instead of rejecting the voice, understand it.
Ask yourself:
"What is this thought trying to protect me from?"
"Where did I learn this kind of self-talk?"
"Is it helping me move forward?"
This makes the critic less scary and gives you space to redirect.
Step 3: Rewire It
Now, replace the thought with a realistic, supportive message. The key word here is realistic. We’re not aiming for toxic positivity.
Examples might include:
"I made a mistake, but mistakes are how I learn."
"This feels hard, but I’ve done hard things before."
"I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy."
Say it out loud if you can. Write it down. Visualize it.
That’s how you build new neural circuits—and train your inner coach to be louder than your inner critic. Through repetition. And more repetition.
If you find this tip (or this article) helpful, please share it with someone else who might need to hear it today.
Exciting Update: Squid Game Meets Psychology & Game Theory!
I'm thrilled to share that I recently contributed to a fascinating Netflix project for Squid Game 3! Alongside three brilliant experts, I explored the intense psychological dynamics and strategic game theory behind surviving Squid Game. We dive deep into decision-making under pressure, trust, deception, and the psychological tactics contestants use when survival is on the line.
Check out our analysis on Netflix here:
How to Survive Squid Game | Netflix Tudum
I’d love to hear your thoughts after watching—drop a comment below!
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
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