Relationship Anxiety: Signs and How to Overcome It
That constant gnawing feeling that something might go awry is tough. Here’s where it comes from and what to do about it.
Do you or someone you know struggle with relationship anxiety?
Signs of relationship anxiety can include:
constant worry or fear about the relationship
overanalyzing interactions
feeling insecure or inadequate
difficulty trusting your partner
fear of abandonment
seeking constant reassurance
being fearful of intimacy and closeness (because you’re afraid you’ll be let down eventually)
experiencing physical symptoms like nausea or tension when thinking about being away from the person or when you don’t hear from them in a while
Relationship anxiety can affect anyone, but it’s most commonly associated with an anxious attachment style.
Anxiously attached people are Worried Warriors because they’re often busy with analyzing situations and people. They don’t tend to feel confident on their own, so these worries tend to have themes of needing others to view them positively and ensuring they don’t lose support and guidance. They’re constantly looking out for signs of potential problems, which can lead to a cycle of self-doubt, relationship conflicts, and slowed progress toward goals.
People with anxious attachment worry a lot about who they are in the world and what they mean to others. They spend a lot of time thinking about how someone reacted to something they did or said and can interpret ambiguous social cues as being negative or harmful even when it was not the other individual’s intention.
In intimate romantic relationships, where people tend to feel most vulnerable, these behaviors tend to be magnified. This is because people (not just those with anxious attachment) tend to feel the most exposed in intimate relationships—and for many people, romantic relationships represent the most intimate and vulnerable of all their social interactions.
So, what’s the solve?
The solution lies in developing a stronger sense of self-esteem that is rooted internally.
Rather than looking outside of yourself for people and situations to affirm you, you must learn to affirm and accept yourself.
A strong sense of self and healthy self-esteem is predicated on an accurate, holistic view of self that acknowledges your weaknesses and celebrates your greatest qualities. Someone who feels good about themselves doesn’t believe they are inherently flawless; rather, it’s the idea that they can take action to shape who they are, to correct mistakes, and solve problems effectively. The more you consciously reflect on and acknowledge your strengths, the more balanced and secure your self-concept will become.
HOW TO (REALLY) INCREASE YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
A daily practice that you can build into your morning or nightly routine is something I call Achievements and Improvements.
Essentially, it’s a self-esteem building journal—a simple way to review your day and consciously acknowledge something that you accomplished that you feel proud of, as well as recognize something that you wish to change.
Every night for a week, I want you to take five minutes to write down:
one achievement from the last twenty-four hours,
one area you’d like to improve, and
one small way in which you can improve upon this area within the next twenty-four hours.
It is important to jot down ideas in a running journal entry. The benefits of writing them in the same place sequentially is that you can review your accomplishments and areas for improvement at a glance, as well as celebrate your progress and successes.
Take pride in the ways you shape your life for yourself and see the immense value you bring to it.
Over time, you’ll have a collection of wonderful reminders of the many reasons to love and be proud of yourself. You can also note how far you’ve come in improving in the areas you’ve committed to work on—particularly self-worth.
Visit these achievement entries in your journal regularly for a self-esteem boost and to fuel and support a secure self-concept that you are building, based on a strong foundation from within rather than relying on other people or situations to make you feel good about yourself.
If you want more self-esteem building ideas, get an early preview to my new book by taking advantage of the 20% off discount here (use code NEWRULES20) and then heading to my website to redeem your pre-incentive bonus with 5 self-concept strengthening exercises, early access to my attachment quiz, and a personal letter from me.
Here’s to your success!
You’ve got this,
Dr. Judy
Pre-Order here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.