Are You Ready for Something Radical?
Radical acceptance is a special and effective technique that can help reduce interpersonal chaos.
When do you need radical acceptance? And how does it work?
Radical acceptance involves accepting what’s happening, even when it’s not ideal, even if it’s stressful or painful. It’s about accepting what’s not under your control and accepting reality in a non-judgmental way. It’s about being less attached to the eventual outcomes, as well as accepting any negative thoughts or feelings you might be experiencing.
When you practice radical acceptance, it:
lessens your suffering during difficult times,
builds resilience, and
helps you to let go of control.
You need radical acceptance most when you’re struggling with a situation that you can’t change in this immediate moment.
Sometimes we suffer because we don’t accept what’s happening and because we try to control things that we really can’t have control over. Of course, some things can be changed, but often we can’t do anything about it.
A good example is when you’re stuck in traffic. You might have somewhere important to be, but it’s impossible to will yourself out of a traffic jam.
Next time you find yourself in a situation where you notice the urge to try to control or change something that is very stressful or unpleasant, take a deep breath and follow these steps:
Turn your mind toward the present moment. Take a few deep breaths and acknowledge where you are physically, what you’re thinking, and how you’re feeling. Without trying to change these aspects, just simply notice them and try to do this without applying any kind of evaluation or judgment to your observations.
Ask yourself what you can control—and what you can’t—in this situation. Write these down on a piece of paper or in your journal. Writing can often help to organize your thoughts and help you to regulate your emotional response so you don’t feel overwhelmed or frantic.
Say a favorite mantra or two to yourself that encourages radical acceptance. Some of my favorites are:
I can accept how this is going right now.
I can deal with these challenges.
This situation is temporary.
I have no control over other people – only how I act or react.
These feelings will pass.
I can control only some of what’s happening now – and that’s ok.
Do something about what you can control – and let the rest go. Look at that list you wrote down of what you can and cannot control. Take action on what you can change and for the rest, let it all go by breathing out the tension and frustrations they cause you.
I hope you find this helpful. And if you don’t, I’m ready to accept it. 😀
Cheers,
Judy
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.